How to Not Look at Someone Even Though You Know They Are Looking at You
Written by Writer'south Corps member Emily Desanctis
Disappointing someone is tough. Virtually of usa will do somersaults to avoid the uncomfortable interaction of telling someone the contrary of what they want to hear, particularly when it involves romantic feelings.
When you lot really care nigh someone, it'due south also as hard to be on the receiving stop of "I'm not looking for a human relationship right now." Keeping the following tips in mind volition help you evangelize the news in a way that's as good for you and painless equally possible, for anybody involved.
Ascertain the dynamic upfront
The best way to approach this topic is early. Whether you're looking for something casual and want to keep information technology that way, or whether you're not interested in annihilation at all, clarifying this from the beginning helps avoid confusion and bad-mannered conversations later on.
Sure, over time your feelings may modify—then might this other person'southward—but starting out the discussion from an honest place grounded by how y'all feel in the present is a must.
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Limited The Situation In Terms Of Your Feelings And Needs
Forget personal insults, apologies, or arraign; instead exist honest and direct with how you experience, what you demand, and how that isn't aligned with being in a human relationship. For case, maybe you're feeling overwhelmed with classes and you need to focus on your schoolwork; or perhaps you're feeling excited and curious most being newly unmarried and you need some time to explore and figure out what you actually want without making any commitments.
Whatever the situation, focusing on feelings and needs will assistance foreclose it from escalating into an argument. It may be that this other person's feelings and needs are in direct opposition to yours, and that'due south perfectly okay. Every bit long as they're stating these in a non-accusatory manner that doesn't minimize your needs, hear them out while staying true to what'southward correct for you lot.
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Explain Your Perspective—To A Point
Choosing non to be in a relationship is a personal choice—a liberty that you shouldn't accept to defend or over-explain. You could leave it at that or you lot could go into more item, helping the other person understand your perspective.
In some cases, taking time to explain how y'all experience can help them better accept your determination and motility on. It tin also communicate a degree of respect and care for their feelings. However, talking through your perspective is just helpful to a betoken—as long as you lot're comfortable and the conversation is healthy. If it shifts into unhealthy territory where the other person is trying to change your listen or make you feel bad, for example blaming or guilting you lot for your decision, end the conversation.
Be Kind And Unapologetic
Deciding you don't want to be in a relationship—whether with a specific person or in full general—doesn't hateful you have to turn into a common cold, unfeeling person when you express how you feel. Part of existence mature is having conversations you don't want to have in a style that respects yourself and the other person involved.
If the other person tells you in a good for you way that they're bummed at your 'no', you lot could express understanding for their reaction and regret at their hurt feelings. But be conscientious to draw the line at taking the arraign; for example, if they say "I can't believe you would do this to me. You knew how much it would hurt me, and you did it anyway" or something to this effect that blames you for not getting what they desire. Your needs are ever valid and taking care of yourself is something you lot should never have to apologize for or exist made to feel bad almost.
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We're all used to movies showing us that 'no' is simply an opening for an unwanted yet persistent suitor to make their instance and change your mind. Fifty-fifty though information technology'southward portrayed as heart-thumpingly romantic, this behavior actually signals that someone doesn't respect your boundaries, and therefore is non something you want to encourage or have if y'all want to accept a healthy relationship.
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Peradventure y'all will eventually want a relationship with this person, and you'll end up together. Or maybe you'll realize it likewise late afterward they've already moved on with someone else. Or peradventure you won't e'er give them a second thought. Yous can't predict what yous're going to desire in the future and with whom. All you accept to keep is how you lot experience and what you need today. If you focus on doing what's right for y'all at this moment, your decision—and how to express information technology—will reveal itself conspicuously.
Learn more tips on how to let someone down easy or other healthy relationship advice on the One Dear blog.
Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-tell-someone-youre-not-looking-for-a-relationship/
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